i permit you to call me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
