I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
