I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
