whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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