Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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