worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
