you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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