I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my liver is dry heaving
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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