PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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