I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
