I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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