At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
