just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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