Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
