i permit you to call me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
