Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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