I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
