where am i from again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
