Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
