TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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