She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My vagina is officially offended.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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