Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
