Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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