I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
