we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
