Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
