We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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