No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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