so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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