Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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