I'm gonna have a badass scar
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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