wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
