take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sext me about skeletons
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
