Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
