There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
