you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
