Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
