I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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