what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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