know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
