I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize