i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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