we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
