I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
