You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is Oprah even human
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
