Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
