Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
