omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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