:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
