i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i came on her dog
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize