I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
