covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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