1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
