sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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