Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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