i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
