I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
