walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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