shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
