Im at strip club and am horny
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize