Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
