I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't deserve a penis
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
