I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
