I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
