It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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