just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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