I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In America we eat man semen.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
