Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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