I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
