my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
