I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
