Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
