And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
