There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
