did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
