Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
