i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
