Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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