Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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