dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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