She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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