I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
