what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
