dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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