i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
