Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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