I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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