She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
