yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
