i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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