im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i think im in europe. pls send help
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
