I love black thongs
We got so high we made milksteak
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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