I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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