i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
