i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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