so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
