Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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